how do i get over this friendship?

Suzie

In 2011, I met a friend at church, I am in my 20s, and have social anxiety and obsessive thoughts. This woman is 40, and so is her husband and they both are kind, caring, dont gossip and possess every good quality you would want in a friend. I really wanted to be there friend. This is going to sound so abnormal, but I had been to so many churches before and the people were cold and not friendly, mostly because of my SA, and not understanding me I am sure.

My mother was a teacher, and prior to attending this church, I knew that a former student of hers and her husband went there, and this incidently was the woman I was wanting to make friends with. They just looked really nice in their facebook pictures, and being that I have obsessive thoughts I felt that they would make me feel accepted and care about me, and I could just tell from the picture they would be those kind of friends to me.

At first, they appeared so welcoming and kind like the friendship would happen, and then at times it appeared they werent as friendly, and then it would hurt me deeply, because then the thoughts would start everyone hates me.

I got to know them for about 9 months. Then they called me that they were leaving and they wanted to stay in touch and would I be interested if they kept me updating on where they attend and that our friendship would continue. The friendship has grown since then and already in this past year we have gone to dinner 4-5 times, but keep in mind they have three teenage sons and both work 40-60 hours a week, and their sons are involved in every school activity. They also call me on the phone probably every 5 weeks. I have done nice things for them too, always getting them a gift for their bday, christmas, the last time we went out to eat, I paid the bill.

I am in school, so I will be transferring to another state and they assure me that the friendship will keep on, and that they will come out and see me. Still, words can be cheap too so you dont always know their sincerity.

It bothers me that I cant tell if they are friends with me because they like me or because they feel sorry for me that I have no friends and have social anxiety.

As time is going on, I am starting to believe they are true friends, but because I have obsessive thoughts and get obsessed with people (not in an unhealthy way) but more in a way of obsessing if they like me or will hurt me. You would think I would be grateful that they appear to be friends, but now thats not enough. You know how I mentioned the church I was going to. Well several couples that attend that old church, were really nasty to me and said I was a freak under their breath, and now my obsession is on whether or not this couple is still friends with those other people.

My mind keeps harping on the fact that, I have never had any friends before, so if this couple are my friends, then they have be 10x more of a friend to these other people they used to attend church with. It made me feel special they called me after they left the church, but then I would think they probably did this for essentially everyone at the church saying they wanted to stay in touch.

My mind keeps focusing on how 2-3 of these other couples at church said mean things to me, and my mind then starts, if this couple that are my friends, are friends with them, then I cant have any respect for them, and my instincts dictate for me to end the friendship. There's apart of me that wants to end it because I feel I am going to end up hurt and another part of me that doesnt want to lose them.

What do I do? Is it possible they just called me after they left because I was sort of a new person and they didnt get to know me and wanted to pursue the friendship OR would they have called the other people two including the couples that werent nice to me?

How can you tell without asking them.

Answer
Maybe you could strike up a conversation about life insurance.

how do i get over this friendship?

Suzie

In 2011, I met a friend at church, I am in my 20s, and have social anxiety and obsessive thoughts. This woman is 40, and so is her husband and they both are kind, caring, dont gossip and possess every good quality you would want in a friend. I really wanted to be there friend. This is going to sound so abnormal, but I had been to so many churches before and the people were cold and not friendly, mostly because of my SA, and not understanding me I am sure.

My mother was a teacher, and prior to attending this church, I knew that a former student of hers and her husband went there, and this incidently was the woman I was wanting to make friends with. They just looked really nice in their facebook pictures, and being that I have obsessive thoughts I felt that they would make me feel accepted and care about me, and I could just tell from the picture they would be those kind of friends to me.

At first, they appeared so welcoming and kind like the friendship would happen, and then at times it appeared they werent as friendly, and then it would hurt me deeply, because then the thoughts would start everyone hates me.

I got to know them for about 9 months. Then they called me that they were leaving and they wanted to stay in touch and would I be interested if they kept me updating on where they attend and that our friendship would continue. The friendship has grown since then and already in this past year we have gone to dinner 4-5 times, but keep in mind they have three teenage sons and both work 40-60 hours a week, and their sons are involved in every school activity. They also call me on the phone probably every 5 weeks. I have done nice things for them too, always getting them a gift for their bday, christmas, the last time we went out to eat, I paid the bill.

I am in school, so I will be transferring to another state and they assure me that the friendship will keep on, and that they will come out and see me. Still, words can be cheap too so you dont always know their sincerity.

It bothers me that I cant tell if they are friends with me because they like me or because they feel sorry for me that I have no friends and have social anxiety.

As time is going on, I am starting to believe they are true friends, but because I have obsessive thoughts and get obsessed with people (not in an unhealthy way) but more in a way of obsessing if they like me or will hurt me. You would think I would be grateful that they appear to be friends, but now thats not enough. You know how I mentioned the church I was going to. Well several couples that attend that old church, were really nasty to me and said I was a freak under their breath, and now my obsession is on whether or not this couple is still friends with those other people.

My mind keeps harping on the fact that, I have never had any friends before, so if this couple are my friends, then they have be 10x more of a friend to these other people they used to attend church with. It made me feel special they called me after they left the church, but then I would think they probably did this for essentially everyone at the church saying they wanted to stay in touch.

My mind keeps focusing on how 2-3 of these other couples at church said mean things to me, and my mind then starts, if this couple that are my friends, are friends with them, then I cant have any respect for them, and my instincts dictate for me to end the friendship. There's apart of me that wants to end it because I feel I am going to end up hurt and another part of me that doesnt want to lose them.

What do I do? Is it possible they just called me after they left because I was sort of a new person and they didnt get to know me and wanted to pursue the friendship OR would they have called the other people two including the couples that werent nice to me?

How can you tell without asking them.

Answer
TL; DR

Paraphrase.

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My boyfriend did not get me anything for Valentines Day. I really think I should break up with him. Should I?

best christmas gifts of 2011 for women image

Annelise H

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. He has never given me anything for valentines day, birthdays, christmas, or anniversaries, and he has a good job. I always give him gifts for his birthday, christmas, anniversaries, and valentines day. I put a lot of thought into these gifts. For this Valentines Day, I gave him his favorite cake, customized m&m's with our picture, and a designer polo. I gave him his gifts, and he did not even give me a flower. He did not even apologize for not getting me aything. I have told him how that makes me feel, but that doesnt seem to bother him. I dont want for him to get me lavish, expensive, and materialistic gifts. I just wish that for this Valentines Day he would have given me a flower. With one flower I would have been very happy. I just want him to show me that he does care about me. I have been very upset, and very unhappy. Should I break up with him? please help me

Answer
I understand how you feel. I have been married for 19 years. My husband sometimes, quite often, forgets to do the same thing. I have told him how I feel and he says he forgot, was working too much, or we had no money at the time. This year I told him I knew I wasn't getting anything but that I wanted something, any stupid little thing for Valentines day. When I woke up I found a paper taped to the mirror saying "This is your official 2011 Valentines Day Card...I Love You!!!" This little jester meant more than a dozen roses. I have told him just pick me a flower on the side of the road and I'd be the happiest woman in the world. So I know how you feel. I wouldn't leave him because of this. Maybe explain it again and tell him how hurt you are. We woman like to be reminded that we are loved and are needed. Good Luck!

Why does nit-wit Palin get all bent out of shape re: White House Christmas Card - doesn't she have anything?

Cindi

else better to do?

Source:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/culturemonster/2011/12/sarah-palins-odd-complaint-about-the-white-house-christmas-card-design.html



Palin ignored the gifts, holiday plant and national family hearth. She also neglected the rugged American landscape by O'Keeffe, the quintessential "modern western pioneer woman," whose carefully crafted media-persona is the model for the Alaskan's own. Instead, she told Fox News radio that she found it "odd" that the card emphasizes the dog instead of traditions like "family, faith and freedom."

.

Answer
She's got to keep herself in front of media.

She's a Media-Whore.

Everyone knows this.

..

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how do i get over this friendship?

My boyfriend did not get me anything for Valentines Day. I really think I should break up with him. Should I?

best christmas gifts of 2011 for women image

Annelise H

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years. He has never given me anything for valentines day, birthdays, christmas, or anniversaries, and he has a good job. I always give him gifts for his birthday, christmas, anniversaries, and valentines day. I put a lot of thought into these gifts. For this Valentines Day, I gave him his favorite cake, customized m&m's with our picture, and a designer polo. I gave him his gifts, and he did not even give me a flower. He did not even apologize for not getting me aything. I have told him how that makes me feel, but that doesnt seem to bother him. I dont want for him to get me lavish, expensive, and materialistic gifts. I just wish that for this Valentines Day he would have given me a flower. With one flower I would have been very happy. I just want him to show me that he does care about me. I have been very upset, and very unhappy. Should I break up with him? please help me

Answer
I understand how you feel. I have been married for 19 years. My husband sometimes, quite often, forgets to do the same thing. I have told him how I feel and he says he forgot, was working too much, or we had no money at the time. This year I told him I knew I wasn't getting anything but that I wanted something, any stupid little thing for Valentines day. When I woke up I found a paper taped to the mirror saying "This is your official 2011 Valentines Day Card...I Love You!!!" This little jester meant more than a dozen roses. I have told him just pick me a flower on the side of the road and I'd be the happiest woman in the world. So I know how you feel. I wouldn't leave him because of this. Maybe explain it again and tell him how hurt you are. We woman like to be reminded that we are loved and are needed. Good Luck!

no period for 6 months then wham it back and im only 23 years old help!?

Lynette

I've been through so much in my life to be so young. Im a 23 year old woman and i just celebrated my two year anniversary of being a cancer survivor. I had Leukemia and one of the chemotherapy's i received was possibly able to make me infertile. I finished chemo June of 2010' Everything was fine. i began to move on with my life I met an amazing guy who knows my story and loves me through my flaws my life was coming back to normal again slowly but surely and I was still continuing to have my regular periods until one year later June 2011' they suddenly stop. I thought i was in the "safe zone", because the doctor said the younger you are the better chance you have at over coming the infertility issues of the chemo. At first i thought I pregnant but nope. I was just missing periods for months at a time. Me and my amazing husband got married and we both just thought it would come back because i've been off chemo for over a year. So we waited, and waited, and waited and it never returned. I was emotionally devastated i couldn't give my husband his first child can you imagine? i already had a daughter from a previous relationship (being hot at a young age paid off lol jk) I seen how everything happens for a reason God gave me a child earlier because little did I would soon be facing fertility issues. Although my husband was very supportive I know deep down he waited to have his own child. So christmas passed, we had a party drinks, friends, laughing gift giving, ahh just what I needed. I didn't know that i would be recieveing my my gift early the next moring. I went to the bathroom and I HAD MY PERIOD AGAIN!! after 6 long dredful months! i never thought i would see the day i was happy about blood down there lol. soo It's been over a week non stop bleeding... i think im about over the excitment now, as much as i prayed for this i got it i think im able to conceive... i think.. but my menstrual is going and going and going im a bloody mess literally. what to do? from the 26 til today help! lol im thankful and all but damn! Im ready for sex and horney as ever but my blood won't leave lol help me and give opinions please! Happy new years and God bless sorry about the length i just wanted yall to feel me! and my situation completely

Answer
congrats on over coming cancer there is a 12 year old at my school who also did. to answer your question go see a doctor

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why does my mother in law try to get my husbands kids against me?

best christmas gifts of 2011 for women image

lucky

I have been with my fiance for 3 years. Our wedding date is in Nov. 2011. Here's the deal, My husband was married once before and had two children with his ex wife. They have been divorced since 1998 , so that is what?... 13 years divorced.
My fiance told me that AFTER they divorced his own mother informed him that if he was to EVER get back with her She (his mother) would DISOWN him.

My fiances kids are now 20 and 21

The problem is, is that any little fault I may have or anything that my fiance tells his mother about us whether it is good or bad, she will ignore the good of coarse and take the bad to immediately use it as an excuse to call my fiances EX WIFE and report all the details and juicy gossip. Knowing that in time all of it gets repeated to the kids eventually by the EX Wife. They hear ONLY one tainted side of story never even ask to hear MY SIDE or my fiance's side for that matter
To this day I have never met or even talked to his daughter, I met and have talked to his son (which by the way is serving a prison sentence right now for drugs.... nice huh?) and we are on okay terms but he has Definately passed judgement on me based on what my finace's mother and ex wife has said about me. I know this because of things he has told me. It seems that his daughter just has no interest in me, because I feel , she has already condemed me without really knowing me. Yhis REALLY hurts and bothers me!.....I love my fiance SO MUCH and would love to have his children accept me based on THEIR own oppinion of me and NOT SOMEONE ELSES or them NOT being Manipulated by someone else's thoughts or ideas.

The future mother in law has been extremely Nasty to me, I only tried to be there for her. and at one time I really liked her and was excited to go visit her......She is addicted to pain pills and often uses that as an excuse for her bad behavior. She all around is often NOT a PLEASENT person to be around , she can be rude and nasty to everyone. I reaLLY wanted to love her....she hurt me at Christmas time, She called me out on my eating disorder in front of everyone and said, " I should of gotton you a bottle of laxatives and diuretics for a gift, you would of been happy with that right!?"....I was so embarresed and CRUSHED!!!...what prompted her to do that to me?.....I was SO nice to her. It came unexpected, and just her NASTINESS shinning through.

Well my fiance was LIVID!....He stood up to her! and we left. He has NOT been there to see her since and that was christmas of 2009, almost 2 years ago.

So, What does his Mother in law do??? calls his EX WIFE, It is his EX meaning done, over with NOthing is any of her bussiness,( unless it has to do with the kids, then again the kids are adults now and can deal with their father DIRECTLY without going thru the ex wife on MOST matters)
She dumps all this nasty crap about me to the EX WIFE, and she is crying and playing victim that her son walked out on her at Christmas and it was ALL my fault. Did NOT tell the ex what she had actually done to me....the truth. Not that any of this is the EX's business.....so 30 min later the EX and his daughter start blowing up his cell phone. his daughter started going off to her dad about ME, then her dad(my fiance), told his daughter what REALLY happened and who was AT FAULT.

ever since then his ex is calling and visiting her EX MIL all the time....and is friending ALL his family members she can find on Facebook, all of a sudden, she hadn't talked to them for like 13 years sinced they have been divorced

My fiance told his mom to appoligize to me before he thinks about comming around in her life but he told her that It depends on IF she can accept me as being the women He truly loves. and treat me with respect or he told her she would lose him entirely. He also told her to leave the ex out of things ! and to it getting twisted and told to the kids, so they could have a false judgement on me without knowing the other side of the story or even knowing me personally.

She refuses to appoligize!!

Why is she like this????
Why is she doing this??....what could be her MOTIVE or Gain??

Feedback is MUCH appreciated!

Answer
This is all irrelevant and in your head. The mother in law is irrelevant and pointless character in this story. The ex is pointless and irrelevant to this story and the children are grown up and beyond need of improvement. What is relevant to this story is you and your partner. It seems like your parent is on your side and that is what counts. Ignore the rest, if they can't accept you then you eliminate them from the equation until they can behave.

Best of luck.

My Friend's mom has Cancer Just before Christmas!? How do i help?

Katie

My Best Friend Krista's mom has just been Diagnosed with Lung Cancer. Her older sister Stephanie(who is a Senior in High School) is upset and doesn't speak to her friends or her Cheer-leading team (she is captain). But, Krista (who is a Sophomore as am i) is always talking with us and with her boyfriend( of 2 years). Krista is the type of person who just accepts the things God has done and tries to figure out her own way to fix it. Krista and her boyfriend Chris are Captain of the Soccer team so they got together to make a fundraiser to help with Cancer research. They made a soccer clinic at our High School for over winter break to help kids learn soccer skills (which i think is amazing and so does our Principal and their coaches). Christopher's dad passed away earlier on in the year after a 10 year battle with Cancer. Her dad is also helping out (he is great at soccer) as well as her 2 younger brothers and chris's 2 younger brothers (who are the same age as Krista's and who love soccer as well) Our whole Community loves Krista and her family, but we are confused on how to help Krista and her family during the Holiday season while she is helping out us? our friends want to get her a awesome christmas present but still don't know what? How do we help out Krista, Her wonderful parents and Older sister and 2 younger brothers (one who is in 8th grade one who is in 3rd grade)? Also do you think it is a good idea for our gaelic football team (chris's and krista's) to also raise money?

Answer
I would give your friend a copy of this video and ask them to look at it before agreeing to any treatments offered by modern mainstream medicine today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fduMpYhv1_M&feature=related

Knowing that lung cancer, colon cancer, and breast cancer is NOT helped by ANY chemotherapy, I would tell her to be very aware of any doctors or anyone recommending that treatment. I would suggest she look at alternative medicine as the answer. To get a perspective on the real data numbers of how ineffective mainstream medicine is regarding CANCER, go to this website and look at this study that shows only 2.1% of people that get chemotherapy for most common cancers (lung cancer included) live longer than 5 years.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15630849

Now realize that people who opt not to get chemotherapy generally live longer. That information would be the best Christmas gift I can imagine you could do for her.

Another video that would be good for her to see, but not related to tumors or cancer, but shows a woman who did her homework and cured her multiple sclerosis with food and supplements, after the medical people gave up.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/12/23/overcoming-multiple-sclerosis-through-diet.aspx?e_cid=20111223_DNL_art_1

good luck to you

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