how do i get over this friendship?

Suzie

In 2011, I met a friend at church, I am in my 20s, and have social anxiety and obsessive thoughts. This woman is 40, and so is her husband and they both are kind, caring, dont gossip and possess every good quality you would want in a friend. I really wanted to be there friend. This is going to sound so abnormal, but I had been to so many churches before and the people were cold and not friendly, mostly because of my SA, and not understanding me I am sure.

My mother was a teacher, and prior to attending this church, I knew that a former student of hers and her husband went there, and this incidently was the woman I was wanting to make friends with. They just looked really nice in their facebook pictures, and being that I have obsessive thoughts I felt that they would make me feel accepted and care about me, and I could just tell from the picture they would be those kind of friends to me.

At first, they appeared so welcoming and kind like the friendship would happen, and then at times it appeared they werent as friendly, and then it would hurt me deeply, because then the thoughts would start everyone hates me.

I got to know them for about 9 months. Then they called me that they were leaving and they wanted to stay in touch and would I be interested if they kept me updating on where they attend and that our friendship would continue. The friendship has grown since then and already in this past year we have gone to dinner 4-5 times, but keep in mind they have three teenage sons and both work 40-60 hours a week, and their sons are involved in every school activity. They also call me on the phone probably every 5 weeks. I have done nice things for them too, always getting them a gift for their bday, christmas, the last time we went out to eat, I paid the bill.

I am in school, so I will be transferring to another state and they assure me that the friendship will keep on, and that they will come out and see me. Still, words can be cheap too so you dont always know their sincerity.

It bothers me that I cant tell if they are friends with me because they like me or because they feel sorry for me that I have no friends and have social anxiety.

As time is going on, I am starting to believe they are true friends, but because I have obsessive thoughts and get obsessed with people (not in an unhealthy way) but more in a way of obsessing if they like me or will hurt me. You would think I would be grateful that they appear to be friends, but now thats not enough. You know how I mentioned the church I was going to. Well several couples that attend that old church, were really nasty to me and said I was a freak under their breath, and now my obsession is on whether or not this couple is still friends with those other people.

My mind keeps harping on the fact that, I have never had any friends before, so if this couple are my friends, then they have be 10x more of a friend to these other people they used to attend church with. It made me feel special they called me after they left the church, but then I would think they probably did this for essentially everyone at the church saying they wanted to stay in touch.

My mind keeps focusing on how 2-3 of these other couples at church said mean things to me, and my mind then starts, if this couple that are my friends, are friends with them, then I cant have any respect for them, and my instincts dictate for me to end the friendship. There's apart of me that wants to end it because I feel I am going to end up hurt and another part of me that doesnt want to lose them.

What do I do? Is it possible they just called me after they left because I was sort of a new person and they didnt get to know me and wanted to pursue the friendship OR would they have called the other people two including the couples that werent nice to me?

How can you tell without asking them.

Answer
Maybe you could strike up a conversation about life insurance.

how do i get over this friendship?

Suzie

In 2011, I met a friend at church, I am in my 20s, and have social anxiety and obsessive thoughts. This woman is 40, and so is her husband and they both are kind, caring, dont gossip and possess every good quality you would want in a friend. I really wanted to be there friend. This is going to sound so abnormal, but I had been to so many churches before and the people were cold and not friendly, mostly because of my SA, and not understanding me I am sure.

My mother was a teacher, and prior to attending this church, I knew that a former student of hers and her husband went there, and this incidently was the woman I was wanting to make friends with. They just looked really nice in their facebook pictures, and being that I have obsessive thoughts I felt that they would make me feel accepted and care about me, and I could just tell from the picture they would be those kind of friends to me.

At first, they appeared so welcoming and kind like the friendship would happen, and then at times it appeared they werent as friendly, and then it would hurt me deeply, because then the thoughts would start everyone hates me.

I got to know them for about 9 months. Then they called me that they were leaving and they wanted to stay in touch and would I be interested if they kept me updating on where they attend and that our friendship would continue. The friendship has grown since then and already in this past year we have gone to dinner 4-5 times, but keep in mind they have three teenage sons and both work 40-60 hours a week, and their sons are involved in every school activity. They also call me on the phone probably every 5 weeks. I have done nice things for them too, always getting them a gift for their bday, christmas, the last time we went out to eat, I paid the bill.

I am in school, so I will be transferring to another state and they assure me that the friendship will keep on, and that they will come out and see me. Still, words can be cheap too so you dont always know their sincerity.

It bothers me that I cant tell if they are friends with me because they like me or because they feel sorry for me that I have no friends and have social anxiety.

As time is going on, I am starting to believe they are true friends, but because I have obsessive thoughts and get obsessed with people (not in an unhealthy way) but more in a way of obsessing if they like me or will hurt me. You would think I would be grateful that they appear to be friends, but now thats not enough. You know how I mentioned the church I was going to. Well several couples that attend that old church, were really nasty to me and said I was a freak under their breath, and now my obsession is on whether or not this couple is still friends with those other people.

My mind keeps harping on the fact that, I have never had any friends before, so if this couple are my friends, then they have be 10x more of a friend to these other people they used to attend church with. It made me feel special they called me after they left the church, but then I would think they probably did this for essentially everyone at the church saying they wanted to stay in touch.

My mind keeps focusing on how 2-3 of these other couples at church said mean things to me, and my mind then starts, if this couple that are my friends, are friends with them, then I cant have any respect for them, and my instincts dictate for me to end the friendship. There's apart of me that wants to end it because I feel I am going to end up hurt and another part of me that doesnt want to lose them.

What do I do? Is it possible they just called me after they left because I was sort of a new person and they didnt get to know me and wanted to pursue the friendship OR would they have called the other people two including the couples that werent nice to me?

How can you tell without asking them.

Answer
TL; DR

Paraphrase.

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