What to do about sexually inappropriate 'secret santa' gifts at work?

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Lori

40 year old happily married mom of 2 boys. I work in an office where the women are outnumbered roughly 5-1 but everyone gets along great and in the ten years I've been there it's been an amazing work environment.
Every Christmas we do a secret Santa gift swap and have to get 5 small, inexpensive gifts, one for each day of the week preceding Christmas. We started yesterday. Typically at the end of the week we typically do not divulge our secret identity if we don't choose to.
My dilemma is that yesterday I found a small box on my desk from my secret santa and inside it was a pair of nipple pasties in the shape of wreathes. I was shocked and rather embarrassed. This morning I found my second gift and was reluctant to open it, and when I did I found a little chrome object with a jeweled head. bit of research online showed it to be a small anal plug!! Again....a bit taken aback. This afternoon when I stepped out to mail a few things I came back and a note was on my desk saying: "I hope you are not offended by the gifts, I just saw them and thought you'd look great in them! -Secret Santa'
I have no idea who is giving me these, nor do I think I want to! Our boss is in on the secret santa thing so not sure I want to go to him and not sure I want to take it that far. Besides, my boss is a guy and he's kind of a free-wheeling type and for all I know it could be him.
By biggest question is do I tell my husband? He would be pretty upset and most likely come to my office and demand to know who it was -not a great scenario. And also, if I find out who it is should I thank them and laugh it off as a joke and then tell my husband?
Never been in this position....
Edit: I might have believed it was a 'gag gift' if not for the note. A 'gag gift' might have been one item, but not two..and who knows? I might get similar items all 5 days. Not so sure I want one of my male co-workers picturing me in pasties and anal jewelry!

Answer
Those objects and the note fall well within the EEOC guidelines defining sexual harassment. You are well within your rights to report the matter to your employer. If the employer does not take action to prevent another occurrence, you can legally sue the employer for sexual harassment.

Keep in mind the only thing your employer could do to prevent another occurrence when the perpetrator is unknown, is to end the Secret Santa gift exchange. This will make you very unpopular with the other employees.

If you wish to retain your friendship with the employees who are Not sexually harassing you, it might be best to make a public display of looking in the boxes, then throwing them directly into the garbage can. You can bet your last dollar that your Secret Santa is watching to see how you react to his gifts. This should give him the message loud and clear.

If you decide Not to complain to management, don't tell your husband. No need of making him mad and causing a scene at work. Get rid of the items, if you keep them you will have some tall explaining to do if he finds them.

If you do decide to complain to management, by all means, tell your husband as he is going to find out when EEOC interviews him. If you decide to file an EEOC complaint, keep the items and notes for evidence.

What should i get my boyfriends parents for christmas?

Lexi

Im not looking to spending a lot,they are well off, and his mom has kind of expensive taste. His dad on the other hand, is the complete opposite. She loves to cook and try new things. I have been dating their 16 year old son for 5 months, and i love his family..They are great to me, and i just want to get them something thats nice, something they will use. Im not a big sentimental person either..I was thinking of getting his mom a bath and body works basket, but i think it will be easier to just get them together 1 gift, unless you have ideas for his dad! HELP PLEASE!

Answer
I think the B&B gift basket may be inappropriate because you haven't known them long(5 months) and also you are younger. For now, I think you should do general simple gifts and later down the line you can start giving more personal gifts. Try something Christmas oriented. What about a nice ornament engraved with the family name(Things Remembered or Red Envelope.com norm have a nice selection of these for under $30). Or how about making/buying a Christmas gift basket with nice chocolates, etc. in it. Good luck

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Is this a lame gift idea for my girlfriend?

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Sawyer P

My girlfriend and I have been together for over five years. I have given her many pieces of jewelry as well as other common and not so common gift ideas. We have been doing it long distance for the last 1.5 years which kind of plays into the theme of the gift I was thinking of giving her for xmas this year. The gift is a personalized throw pillow on one side it is a cute picture of both of my dogs on my family's boat with their tiny dog life preservers on. On the back it is a good picture of us both on a trip Cancun this Summer, in text underneath it says "Cancun, 2012" and centered underneath that "I love you". The pillow is a light pink color that fits in with the color of her bed. I was thinking this would be nice since we do not currently live together as it has pictures of both us together and my dogs that she loves. I am worried however that this is a lame gift... I am also planning on getting her some chocolates or something along those lines and obviously a card.

What do you think, lame idea or a nice idea?

Answer
No, that is not a lame idea. That is a great gift. I think your girlfriend is going to be very happy.

What are some gift ideas for meeting my girlfriend's parents for first time?

SeanB

I am meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time in under two weeks. I'm not a 'youngin', so I have been down this road before, but 20+ years ago.

What are other gift ideas beyond wine and flowers? For further refinement, we are meeting for dinner in a restaurant.

Answer
Hey I think you can get them something practical yet personal. For the mom, you can get her a nice pair of gloves. I recommend you check out KinaRosa on Etsy ( http://www.etsy.com/shop/kinarosa ) These gloves are handmade, very high quality. They are unique yet affordable. My mom loves the gloves. I am sure it'll be a great gift for your girlfriend's mom since it's winter time. If you are not sure what color to buy, go for black, chocolate brown or burgundy red. They are safe colors that every woman loves.

For the dad, do you know what he likes? I think it's always good to go for more practical gifts for men. If he like cigars, you can buy him a nice box of cigars. If he like coffee, get him some good coffee beans. If you really don't know what he likes, you can get him a nice pen. My dad likes pens from Cross. They are not too expensive, but they are good pens.

Hope this helps. Good luck with your gift searching!

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